Friday, March 9, 2012

40 Bags, 40 Days Almost Halfway

I must be totally honest, I was looking forward to cleaning out all the junk from my house, I think the Lord was planning on cleaning some of the junk out of my heart. I am finding it tough to keep motivated, not so much because of the cleaning, but because I know with each step I have to give up one more more thing. Why is it that these things are pulling on me so much?

I have been reading another woman's blog about loving your house. I must say that this is very hard for me to do. I could list all of the reasons I don't like my house. It is small...really small. And our family has grown so large. Shouldn't it be time for us to move onto something larger, be more established, more grown up? Then it hits me, like a 2x4. None of these ideas come from the Lord, they are lustful worldly thoughts. I'm swirled in a tornado of guilt, there are kids dying, hungry, homeless all over the world. I tuck my kids into to clean sheets and trip on the hundreds of toys they have, not one that they really need. I'm frustrated that my fridge is fridge that is crammed with food from week to week in a world where many go hungry. I am so obsessed with the next best thing, I am missing the lovely thing right in front of me.

There has been this pulsing voice in my head "godliness with contentment is great gain"... over and over.."godliness with contentment is great gain"...I can't get it to stop. I look it up, the verse reads, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. – 1 Timothy 6:6-8.

How is this, that I who call myself a follower of Jesus, who owned no real estate, had no investment portfolio, can find myself so wrapped up in what I don't have? Something within me is changing. As I fill these bags, my intention is not to clean house, but to really have less. To stop clinging to things that have no real value. My faith is strengthened, not that God will give me the material desires of my greedy heart, but that He will create in me a heart like His.

I feel this greed, this lack of contentment leaving my soul with each thing I pull out of the closet or off the shelf and place in that bag. I am in a state of awe-filled wonder of what my home will feel like and look like once I part with all these bags. Will I see the home God intended me to raise my children in? The home of love and simplicity? I hope so.

“You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled.”
Charles H. Spurgeon

Blessings to you on your Lenten journey.

Love and Butter,

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